Gyatso is guilty of worshiping the wrong God

Paul Carpenter

July 16, 2008

Judge F.P. Kimberly McFadden, recipient of a Christian organization's Woman of the Year award in 1998, began the proceedings.

''Tenzin Gyatso,'' she said, ''you are charged with espousing an ideology that is illegal in Northampton County. How do you plead?''

''Your honor,'' said the defendant, draped in chains, ''I have not gone by that name since I was a little boy. I am called the Dal Â ''

''Look,'' interrupted McFadden, ''we know how to deal with miscreants who use aliases and who fail to revere the Lord your God. Now, how do you plead?''

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Gyatso looked at the courtroom wall. ''I guess I'd better plead guilty,'' he said.

''Twenty years,'' said McFadden. ''Let this be a lesson to all who'd defy our government-established Judeo-Christian theocracy.''

''Your honor,'' said Gyatso's lawyer, ''we beg a little leniency in view of the defendant's Nobel Peace Prize.''

''All right.'' she said. ''I'll knock off a year if he takes a theology course taught by Ron Angle in this courtroom, with its constant reminder of the one true God.''

''Maybe living in China would not be so bad, after all,'' muttered Gyatso as he was hauled off to prison.

That scenario did not actually play out that way, but if you are a Buddhist who believes in something other than monotheism, you probably have a feeling it could, especially if you take a gander at McFadden's courtroom wall.

For several days, the Lehigh Valley and much of the rest of the nation have been going gaga over a Nobel laureate who is one of the world's two most prominent religious leaders.

It's a good thing that Northampton County Councilman Ron Angle did not catch the Dalai Lama at Lehigh University, which is located in his county, where only government-established Judeo-Christian religions are tolerated.

Apparently, Angle and McFadden are admirers of the world's theocracies, most of which impose Islamic dogma by force. Shucks, if they can do it, why can't we? So the most sacred joint symbol of Judeo-Christian dogma, the Ten Commandments, is enshrined on the wall of McFadden's courtroom -- and no heretical suggestion of any other belief has been allowed.

For the last several days, the big story has been the appearance of the Dalai Lama at Lehigh U. ''All of our hopes are now on you,'' Monday's front-page headline quoted him as saying, reflecting his quest for world peace through compassion and tolerance.

Never mind that he was speaking in a citadel of reactionary intolerance , Northampton County.

Another front-page story, on Sunday, said Robert Thurman, a professor of Indo-Tibetan Buddhist Studies at Columbia University, gave the introductory talk last week for the Dalai Lama's lectures at Lehigh.

This week, I talked to Thurman, whose latest book is ''Why the Dalai Lama Matters,'' and I asked him about the Dalai Lama's views on monotheism.

''He always says he is non-deistic,'' Thurman noted, but the Dalai Lama ''never denies the existence of what people believe in.''

I told Thurman about the Ten Commandments on the wall of Northampton County's main courtroom.

''That's a little bit theocratic,'' he agreed. ''That sort of thing violates the Jeffersonian principle of the separation of church and state.'' The Dalai Lama, Thurman said, is a strong supporter of Thomas Jefferson's views about strictly secular government.

In Northampton County, as in many other parts of America, including the White House, the secularist principles of Jefferson and the other Founding Fathers are no longer in fashion.

Instead, Northampton County government makes an official statement, every day, that it has adopted the principles now espoused by the world's most oppressive theocracies -- and does not recognize unauthorized religions like Buddhism.

It is a supreme paradox that one of the world's two most recognizable religious leaders would choose to grace such a place.

''Our friends in Bamiyan blew up some old Buddhist statues?'' the judge said after she had sentenced Gyatso. ''Hey, what a hoot!''

paul.carpenter@mcall.com 610-820-6176

Paul Carpenter's commentary appears Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays.